


love couldn't save you

by xxpaynoxx



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, F/M, angry!raven reyes, yes that's a new tag bc she's an ANGRY WOMAN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 09:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14352477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxpaynoxx/pseuds/xxpaynoxx
Summary: "He stops mid-sentence as Lexa’s arm shoots out and her hand wraps itself around his arm. He has half a mind to pull it back, but her grip is like iron and he probably can’t fend off her two emissaries if he punched her in the face. That, and the look Lexa has got in her eyes has him floored. It’s a bunch of emotions all at the same time: rage, fear, pity, and even sadness. Bellamy’s jaw goes slightly slack, and Lexa’s tongue darts out to lick her lips before she speaks in this painstakingly soft tone that somehow makes Bellamy rooted to the ground."





	1. part one

“Commander Blake?”

Bellamy looks up from checking a wound on Monroe to meet the cold, coal-circled eyes of Lexa. He immediately shoots upright, running a hand through his hair. Lexa is looking at him with an unknown emotion in her eyes, and she holds herself with a somber air about her. Her two emissaries (Bellamy’s assuming they’re friendly, since they don’t look threatening at all) carry flowers, specifically brilliant white lilies. Bellamy lets Monroe go, making sure she gets to the entrance of the med bay before returning Lexa’s scintillating gaze.

“And to  _ what _ , Commander Lexa, do I owe the pleasure of meeting you?” he responds with equal venom, but Lexa doesn’t bite. In fact, her eyes go glassy and she blinks, looking down at the ground for a second, before looking back up. The coldness returns to her eyes, and she crosses her arms. “Could we take this conversation somewhere more... _ private _ ?” she asks, and Bellamy just notices the looks they’re getting from the people milling around the camp.

They move to an abandoned room in a tunnel of the Ark, and the emissaries stand at the doorway while Lexa takes a seat. She sits very straight, her hands clasped in front of her, all prim and proper. Bellamy shrugs off his gun and props it on the wall, sliding the opposite seat out and sinking into it, resting his elbows on his knees. “What do you want?” he spits, and a look of astonishment flashes through Lexa’s eyes before being replaced by pity. “I’d like to offer my... _ condolences _ ,” she says, and Bellamy narrows his eyes. “For what? Mount Weather? You’re six months late, Lexa,” he snarls, and her eyebrows shoot up her forehead as he says her name instead of her title, “and besides, I didn’t fucking  _ want  _ your damn apology, so if that’s all you’re here for, then f-”

He stops mid-sentence as Lexa’s arm shoots out and her hand wraps itself around his arm. He has half a mind to pull it back, but her grip is like iron and he probably can’t fend off her two emissaries if he punched her in the face. That, and the look Lexa has got in her eyes has him floored. It’s a bunch of emotions all at the same time: rage, fear, pity, and even sadness. Bellamy’s jaw goes slightly slack, and Lexa’s tongue darts out to lick her lips before she speaks in this painstakingly soft tone that somehow makes Bellamy rooted to the ground.

“For the death of Clarke of the Sky People.”

Bellamy takes a moment to process and connect the dots as Lexa releases her hand from his arm, leaning back into her original position. 

He can barely think. His heart stops for a second (because, what the  _ fuck _ would lead Lexa to that conclusion because there’s no  _ fucking  _ way that Clarke Griffin is dead) as he processes what has happened in the past few minutes. The emissaries brought lilies as a gift for a reason. Lexa is giving her condolences. 

For  _ Clarke.  _

Because she was  _ dead.  _

“C- _ Clarke _ ?” Bellamy whispers, shocked at how shaky his voice is, and partially because he couldn’t believe that the warrior princess that was Clarke Griffin would  _ ever _ give up like that. Lexa gives a small nod, not giving anything away as she keeps her face blank. 

“The Water Tribe found her by the river. It looked as though she died on her own, apparently. There was blood,  _ everywhere _ . It was all over her clothes, on her hands, and on her neck. She must have stabbed herself to death.” 

Bellamy barely hears her.

He starts to shake, and he puts his head in his hands. Lexa must have taken that as a sign that the meeting was over, because he heard the scraping of her chair on the floor and three pairs of footsteps out of the room and down the hall, slowly fading away. Another faster pair of footsteps make him look up, and Octavia is standing in the doorway, with Raven limping right behind her.

Her eye paint is smudged a little, she has a cut lip, and her armor is still on, but she looks terrible. There are dark bags underneath her eyes, hidden by the paint, and she looks ashen, proving that she hadn’t been sleeping well. Bellamy can hear her screaming at night, intermingling with the other sounds of moaning and groaning and whimpering that drifted through camp while he lay awake, knowing that if he shut his eyes, his heart would stop beating.

Raven pushes past Octavia, who seems frozen in the doorway, her gaze locked on the flowers on the table. Raven draws Lexa’s chair around next to Bellamy, sitting down heavily and placing a soft hand on his shoulder. “Hey, what the  _ hell _ was up with Lexa?” she asks, and Octavia takes this silent moment to unfreeze, stepping forward and brushing her knuckles across the fresh lilies laid out on the table. “I used to have a herbology book when I was younger,” she says, to no one in particular. Bellamy raises his head and looks at Octavia, who has her eyes trained on him as tears begin to spill down her cheeks and carve tracks through the dirt on her face. “Lilies were a symbol of death. White lilies were used for sympathy,” she explained, her voice beginning to waver as she moved to kneel in front of Bellamy, resting a hand on his knee. 

“Who died, Bellamy?” she asks, with a featherlight tone that spears Bellamy’s heart straight through like a dagger, and the panic that has been building in his stomach begins to spread into his lungs, making him choke on air. He feels like he’s falling, and he can’t seem to find a place to land or anchor as he looks into Octavia’s eyes and whispers her name. 

“ _ Clarke _ .”

Octavia lets out a small whine, dragging Bellamy from the chair and pulling him into a fierce hug on the floor. He burrows his face into her shoulder, ignoring the smell of blood and dirt and sweat and starting to cry. He can hear Octavia letting loud sobs escape from her throat, and he hears Raven get down on the floor with a grunt, pulling them both into a strong embrace, rubbing small circles on their backs. The three of them stay like that for a long time, until Bellamy and Octavia are done crying.

The three of them stand up, and Raven gives them a watery smile. When Bellamy asks if she’s upset, she nods vigorously, swatting away a few tears that threaten to spill onto her face. “But I know Clarke wouldn’t want me to be sad,” she says in a shaky tone, limping out of the room. Bellamy takes Octavia’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly as she wipes away the tear streaks on her cheeks. They follow Raven back out into the camp, and find that Abby and Kane and the majority of the 44 are in a semicircle around the mouth of the tunnel.

Abby has this terrifying look in her eyes, her gaze darting from the flowers to Bellamy, and Kane looks puzzled, staring at the flowers. Wick and Lincoln run up to them, Lincoln pulling Octavia into his arms as she starts to cry again, and Wick winds his arm around Raven’s waist, rubbing small circles with his thumb just underneath her shirt.

Bellamy returns the look in Kane’s eyes, and snarls loudly as Kane makes a move to take them from him. He immediately backs up, palms up in a defensive stance. Abby stalks right up to Bellamy, and he has to look downward to meet her gaze. She looks practically bristling with anger as she opens her mouth, probably to reprimand him.

“Bellamy Blake, may I ask why the  _ Commander  _ of the Grounders was in our camp not twenty minutes ago?” she hisses.

Well, he wasn’t  _ wrong _ .

Bellamy glares at her for a second, before sighing. “They came to deliver their... _ condolences _ ,” he whispers (he’s never going to be able to gets used to that word), and pauses for a second before shoving the lilies in Abby’s face. She stumbles back, looking down at the flowers and then looking back up at Bellamy, puzzled. “For  _ what _ ? And please don’t tell me it was Mount Weather,” she spits, and Bellamy almost chuckles at the fact that Abby had assumed the same as him. “No.  _ Clarke _ ,” he says, and watches the confusion in her eyes clear before she bursts into tears as he says her name.

“I, for one, am  _ not _ surprised. I always knew that the Princess was a little batshit crazy after she killed all those people in cold blood.”

Bellamy whirls around and meets the eyes of none other than Jasper, his jaw set in defiance and his eyes twinkling with fury with his arms crossed in front of him. There was a collective gasp within the group, which quiets into a thick silence as the two boys stare each other down. 

The scruffy-haired boy had never forgiven Clarke for killing Maya when Clarke destroyed Mount Weather, and he’d had just about enough of Jasper’s shit-talking about Clarke, especially since he used to be her fucking  _ friend _ . 

Something snaps inside Bellamy, and he lunges for him. He’s stopped halfway as Octavia and Lincoln’s arms wrap around him, restraining him and telling him that he’s not worth it. After a few moments, he relaxes, but not before flipping Jasper off. He didn’t budge, but he started to look uneasy as he saw the look in Raven’s eyes. Bellamy sees it too, and goes to stop her when Lincoln squeezes his arm. “Let her do this,” he whispers, and Bellamy relaxes again.

Raven unhooks herself from Wick and limps right up to Jasper, an unspeakable anger showing plainly on her face as she pauses to stare into his eyes before delivering a loud slap to his cheek.

Jasper recoils onto the floor with a cry of pain, his hand holding his cheek as people quickly move away, making sure they’re out of range of Raven’s raised hand. She looks at Bellamy then, and he can see the hurt in her eyes as she kneels down, looking directly into Jasper’s eyes. “I forgave Clarke for Finn,” she explains, her tone dripping with anger, “and it was absolute  _ shit _ to go through until I came to realize that she did the right thing. And yeah, I still miss him sometimes, but you know what? We can’t let the dead take control of how we act towards the living down here, because that’s weakness. And weakness is not an option,” she finishes. 

She starts to turn around, but Jasper’s voice makes her turn back around. “I lost the only person who really understood me, Raven! You wouldn’t know what that  _ feels _ like!” he yells, and Raven goes directly for his shirt, grabbing a fist of the material in both of her fists and dragging him up to look her directly in the eyes, their faces a hair’s width apart. “Everyone’s lost somebody, Jasper,” she snarls, “suck it up and build a brace for yours.”

After a second, Raven lets go, and Jasper falls into the dirt. 

Bellamy suddenly realizes that nobody has moved during this whole thing, and as Jasper’s back hits the ground, the group breaks up. Kane brings Abby into his side as she cries into the flowers, walking with her to the med bay. Miller and Monty come up to them, and Monty’s already crying. Lincoln appears as well, pulling Octavia into his chest as she starts to cry again. Raven limps up to them as Jasper darts off, people giving him a wide berth as he books back to his cabin.

“What a prick,” she mutters, and Bellamy gives her a small smile, rubbing her shoulder. Raven gives him another watery smile and walks back over to Wick, and Bellamy takes a moment to look across camp at the treeline, expecting a flash of blonde hair to appear against the dark green color of the leaves.

It doesn’t.

And that’s when he starts to cry.


	2. part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He’s expecting her pulse to start again, but it doesn’t, and her chest doesn’t move and her eyelids don’t flutter and she’s really dead and Bellamy’s mind is whirling as her body is taken gently from his grasp by Lincoln."

The Ocean Clan brings Clarke’s body back to camp within two days. 

Bellamy doesn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t seeing Clarke’s limp, bloody body looking so small against the thick inked arms of an Ocean Clan warrior. He meets them halfway, sprinting out of the camp and all but snatching Clarke’s body away from the man. A look of rage flashes across his face, quickly replaced by pity as Bellamy lowers himself to the ground, Clarke’s head in his lap.

She is pale, and the blood on her neck and clothes has dried, making a crackling sound as he takes her into his arms. She is very light, like a feather, and her eyes are closed. Bellamy expects her lips to open as she breathes, expects her chest to rise up, and for her to sit up and wrap her small arms around his neck and mumble a thousand apologies into his neck as he tucks his body around her and rocks her back and forth.

She doesn’t.

Bellamy starts to cry again, and the warriors file around him as his tears spill down onto her face, Clarke’s beautiful pale face, which looks so devoid of color that Bellamy wants to scream and puke at the same time. He couldn’t even tell her that he loved her. He’s expecting her pulse to start again, but it doesn’t, and her chest doesn’t move and her eyelids don’t flutter and she’s really dead and Bellamy’s mind is whirling as Clarke’s body is taken gently from his grasp by Lincoln.

The Grounder walks back into camp, Clarke once again looking very, very small and very, very defenseless against Lincoln’ dark skin, and Bellamy feels his heart implode all over again. He watches Raven stop dead as she’s walking to the mechanic shop, staring with wide eyes at Clarke’s body, and then lets out a shrill scream that Bellamy faintly remembers from when Finn died.

Bellamy runs over, catching Raven as her knees buckle underneath of her, and she keeps screaming and crying, no matter what Bellamy does. Wick comes running out, and drops next to them, but Bellamy pulls Raven even closer to him, sending him a warning glance as Raven cries into Bellamy’s shirt.

Wick’s never met Clarke. He doesn’t understand the pain that Raven’s feeling.

_ None of them understand this pain. _

**xxx**

The Ocean Clan decides to host the funeral there.

The chief, a short, stocky woman with blue paint splattered across her face and black tattoos spiraling across her arms and wrapping around her shoulders, has a short conversation with Abby, before they decide to host the funeral that very night.

Bellamy and Raven sneak into the room where Clarke’s body is held, and Raven ushers him in.

Bellamy pulls up a chair, grasping Clarke’s cold hand and biting his lip.

“Clarke…” he begins, but no other words seem to be able to weave themselves out of his mouth anymore. Nothing he can say will bring her back. What could he have done? Kept her here against her will? He knows that that wouldn’t have done anything.

She’d have found a way out eventually, anyway.

The chief finds him there, silently crying as Clarke’s body is removed from the table, and she helps him up. “I’d like you to do the honors,” she whispers, handing him an unlit torch. Bellamy grasps the stick with shaking hands, and proceeds to light it on fire.

It’s dark now, and the camp is only illuminated by the floating lights that Raven installed. Everyone is assembled around the plinth, and the covered body of Clarke is lying on it. Bellamy dips the tip of the torch into the flames, and makes it to the plinth in two long steps. He holds the torch aloft, and meets the eye of everyone in the circle.

He sees Octavia, shaking her head and pressing her face into Lincoln’s shoulder, who is looking at Bellamy with the most pitiful gaze he’s ever seen on a Grounder. He sees Raven, who has been through this before, and he can only imagine that this is how she felt when she watched Finn burn. He sees Jasper and Monty and Miller, who have never been through this before, and they look confused, as if they’ve never experienced the overwhelming feeling of heartbreak.

Bellamy finds Raven again, who gives him the smallest forced nod possible, and covers her face in her hands as her shoulders begin to shake again.

As the flame drops onto Clarke’s body and the plinth goes up in flames, Bellamy doesn’t cry. The heat on his face prevents any tears from falling. He just watches, unable to tear his gaze away from the burning body. He’s probably imagining it, but something white drifts up from Clarke’s burning body, and it materializes into a person, floating just above the remains. It looks at Bellamy, and he does a double take before the apparition blinks once, moves their hands as if signing a message to him, and then disappearing.

He almost misses the shooting star that shoots across the dark night sky with all the smoke around him.

The gears slowly turn in his head, and he realizes he recognized that hairstyle. The half-up half down braid, the leather jacket, the striking blue eyes, the sign language that only he would’ve been able to fully understand.

When it clicks, that’s when he starts crying. Heaving sobs rack his body as he drops to his knees, the embers of the fire twinkling behind his eyelids as tears stream down his face and through his fingers, falling onto his pants as he cries. It feels like he’s never going to stop, because the love of his life just confessed her love to him and he can’t bring her back to tell her he loves her back.

Clarke Griffin had told him she loved him before she became a star.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this kind of quickly so this is actually in the same doc, i just made it two chapters lol but i cried writing this so i hope you do too :) ) )
> 
> > [tumblr](http://tableslapbergara.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> this was based on a post or something but the link is broke bc the blog doesn't exist so have this!
> 
> part II will be up shortly bc they're in the same doc so i figured i'd just upload them at the same time bc i KNOW i'll forget if i don't lol
> 
> <3


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